Toddler Tantrums, Sleeping, and Sensory Processing

What possesses a child to throw himself down screaming because his mother offered him a snack when he didn't want one? What a TEMPER.
Admittedly, I had just tried to put Kittyboy down for a nap (which I thought he needed, because his temper was a bit over the top), and that hadn't gone well, and it had ended in him screaming nonstop while pounding on his door. THAT means the napping attempt is over. And after that, it had taken 5-10 minutes of holding him very tightly compressed on my lap, folded up sort of, saying, "Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down," while the shrieking subsided to sobbing, and then he started trying to catch his breath between sobs, and then there were about equal amounts of sobbing and gasping, and so on. After he seemed pretty much done, I offered him a snack. He then collapsed to the floor and cried nonstop for another ten minutes or so, then on and off for another ten. I thought he was going to cry himself to sleep on the floor, in which case I'd have let him stay there. He didn't. He eventually decided that his tantrum wasn't worth the bother, since it wasn't getting a reaction. But almost half an hour's worth?
And we're supposed to keep in mind that "children with sensory processing issues can be more easily distressed," more violent WHEN distressed, blah blah blah. Holding him all folded up tightly does calm him down, the deep sensory input. But that doesn't mean the tantrum started from something actually bothering him, so much as just His Will Being Contradicted. I do think the sensory issues may make it more difficult for him to calm down after working himself up, but he does also have a Temper to end all Tempers. I wish there were some way to separate the two - to know when it's a tantrum to be ignored versus when he's worked up enough that he needs outside help to get it together again. I think I'll just keep drawing the line at "Is he stopping to breathe or not?"
And then there are still the unhappy wakeups. I may have found ways to mitigate those, OR I may just be grasping at whatever illogical, inconsequential little thing I find, in the manner of throwing virgins down the volcano and thinking that's what keeps the Fire God from obliterating the island. Continuous shhhhing, rubbing back, while not speaking or touching him or covers in any other way - good. Appears to soothe and calm after a few minutes time. Speaking to him, moving him, making eye contact, or rearranging covers in any way - bad. Speaking to him WHILE making eye contact, taking his covers off and sitting him up all at the same time - disaster. I believe this to by why he used to be SO upset sometimes and whatever I did seemed to make it worse, because of course what I would do is pull off his blankets, pick him up, talk to him, etc, exactly how you are supposed to console a baby. Then I noticed one time that eye contact seemed to distress him more, and then another time that taking his blanket off intensified the crying. So now I've got this list, should he ever take a nap while being babysat and wake up crying - say nothing apart from shushing, and that as rhythmically and soothingly as possible, rub back the same way, don't touch him otherwise even if he's laying awkwardly, don't move blankets, and if he's facing you, don't LOOK at him. And basically, wait for him to stop crying. start moving around, and get up from the bed on his own timetable. There is a sort of logic, taking into account that trouble with sensory processing can make waking up distressing, that perhaps limiting any change or input other than that which is necessary to let him know he is safe really is the way to go. But it's so counter-intuitive!
So the temper and tantrums are worse - the waking up is starting to go more smoothly - I don't know that that's a satisfactory trade-off, but such is the state of things.

The Best of Times - The Worst of Times

And no, this has nothing to do with the economy, and everything to do with parenting a TODDLER!

This morning, we had SUCH a Norman Rockwell moment. Kittyboy is not into hugging, apart from stuffed animals and dolls, and not into kissing, apart from flat surfaces and occasionally dolls. Not, "not into" as in he only does it on command, "not into" as in he really just doesn't do it. This morning, Husband brought him in while I was doing my hair, just to say Good Morning. I was trying to get ready for the "mommy and me" picture we were taking at Target this morning. When they were going back out the door, Kittyboy leaned way over towards me, then sat up and signed Please, and then leaned waaaay over towards me with his arms out, reaching. I said, "Oh, you want a hug!" because he does like to get hugs, he just doesn't give them back. I went over and took him, and the first thing he did was put his arms tightly around my neck and his head on my shoulder. I GOT MY FIRST HUG THIS MORNING! FIRST ON-PURPOSE HUG EVER!!! It was soooo sweet, and we cuddled JUST like that for A COUPLE MINUTES even, it wasn't a squeeze-and-push-back, it was a real hug. And it was just the most wonderful thing ever.

But I couldn't have a cliched Dickensian title if the most wonderful thing ever hadn't been followed by the absolute opposite. After Husband went to work, we were still getting ready for the picture. I was dressed, my hair was pretty much done, I was even wearing makeup (which I very rarely do), ALL THAT WAS LEFT was getting Kittyboy into this cream suit that was Husband's years ago, put together a purse, and leave. I started an hour before we had to leave, because I didn't want him staining the suit (did I mention it's CREAM?). And Kittyboy, in a moment of multiple-personality disorder (aka evil toddlerhood) decided he didn't want to get changed. I was interrupting HIS plans for the day, which did not include wardrobe changes.

It took me 45 minutes to put on a shirt, vest, jacket, pants, and shoes. We didn't even do socks, just shoes. He kept throwing himself backwards, this awkward and dangerous-looking maneuver that puts him completely off balance and requires me to catch him so he doesn't go back on his head. He did hit his head once, quite solidly, on the frame of his trampoline, because he threw himself back when I wasn't behind him. It didn't seem to faze him, but it didn't improve his mood either. I think this particular form of resistance is a violent variation on going limp, perhaps, because once he's on the floor, he rolls to his stomach and tries to escape again.

I did win the war, mainly by benefit of persistence. I can't claim superior strength, because in a way, he will always be stronger than I - because he doesn't care if he hurts either of us, while my goal is to keep either of us from getting hurt. It is a bit of a handicap, when you're wrestling a toddler who has great strength and an absolute disregard for his or anyone else's safety. He's slammed his head back against my face before when I was carrying him, because he was mad. (And gee, he's never even taken a self-defense course!)

After this morning, I have a new tactic, inspired by the bonking of his head against the trampoline - what if I just quit catching him? Obviously, direct him so he's not hitting anything that would actually hurt him, no corners or anything, not the metal frame of the trampoline, but what if he started to experience the natural consequence of that action every time he did it? The front and back of the skull are strongest, I read that in a toddler first-aid book, it's the temples you really worry about. Toddler skulls are pretty strong - they have to be, as often as toddlers fall. Were he driving a car, I would NOT be paying his speeding tickets, because he'd be dealing with the consequences of his actions. Maybe if I quit catching him, he'll decide he doesn't like hitting the floor.

So yay, I got a hug! My first ever! And ugh, I had to wrestle baby Samson. It was the best of times!! It was the worst of times!! And he's not even two yet!